If we were asked to do a self-portrait, hopefully we can reach this level of confidence—of who we know we are on the inside:
Since the message of “Born to Bloom” is about discovering your God-given gifts and talents and using them to fulfill your purpose, it’s important that we discuss all the reasons we might not be blooming properly.
Let’s recall what Jesus said were the most important commandments. He said:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39
Love.
Nothing is as important as learning to love.
{ I will keep driving this home!! }
There are 3 strands of love mentioned in this scripture: God. Ourselves. Others.
No matter what else you learn, and no matter what else you do with your life—love.
Jesus said so.
Period.
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-4
So we must learn to love or nothing else will work or matter.
We do need to understand how God made us—what gifts and talents He equipped us with, what our personality is like, His divine mission for our lives, etc.
{ And we’re going to look into all those things farther into this little series. }
But there is something even more important, actually imperative.
Loving ourselves.
And just as we need to know that God loves us…
We must also learn to love ourselves.
How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves. Knowledge is important, but only if we’re being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are. ~ Brene Brown, “The Gifts Of Imperfection”
So if we take that quote by Brene Brown apart, we see that she says that to know and understand ourselves is critically important. It’s part of the equation.
BUT…as we are in the process, we must “…be kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are.”
Learning to love yourself is probably the most difficult commandment to do AND one of the least discussed!
But, remember, it is essential.
From our experience working with hundreds of clients since 1995, we have seen that people’s inability to love themselves has been the most significant hindrance in their ability to love God and others and to walk in freedom and wholeness. When we love ourselves, we experience greater peace and joy in life, and we become better able to fulfill the destiny that God places within us. ~ Jerry and Denise Basel, “The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself”
We can see from the quote above, written by a couple who have devoted their lives to the subject of loving ourselves, that they believe, through working with hundreds of people, that not loving yourself is a major hindrance to walking in freedom, to being able to love God and others, and to fulfilling our destiny.
And if we think about it, that makes perfect sense.
How can we confidently share ourselves, our lives, our gifts and talents with others, if we think we have no value—nothing to offer?
The answer? We can’t.
So how can we love ourselves…
I think it begins with getting a revelation of how much God loves us.
Seeing ourselves the way He sees us.
Finding our immovable security and value in that absolute truth.
When we start to feel secure in His love for us, we will be braver and kinder and more accepting of ourselves in the discovery process.
And we’ll give ourselves the same kind of respect and care that we give to others.
Because of the fact that we know every single one of our failures and sins, all our ugly thoughts and actions, it can sometimes be very difficult to forgive and love ourselves.
But it is…yes…essential.
One way to apply this is to take the famous love passages in 1 Corinthians 13 and apply them to YOURSELF!
{ We are always applying them towards others, and we should, but I think we should also apply them to ourselves. }
Here are the scriptures. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
• We need to patient and kind towards ourselves.
• For our own emotional and physical health we should not envy, boast, be proud, or angry.
• We should not dishonor our self. (We are God’s creation!)
• We should not keep a record of our wrongs. (Need to forgive our self.)
• We should seek truth about ourselves—not look for evil. (Find the good in you!)
• And we should protect, trust, hope, and persevere in becoming all God created us to be.
As for the “self-seeking” term, when we are applying these scriptures to ourselves as self-love, it is not for selfish purposes. It is so we can love and see ourselves as God sees us and nurture ourselves so that we can fulfill our purposes—which will always be outreach to others.
One of the most important and practical things we can do as we determine to love ourselves is to stop thinking and talking about ourselves negatively.
I think we know we are all guilty of calling ourselves names at times: “You’re so stupid! What did you do that for? Why did you say THAT? There you go again. Messing up! Can’t you do anything right? You’re such a loser. You’ll never change. When God was passing out brains, looks, and talents, He overlooked you. You’re a nobody.”
I mean, really. Would you talk to a loved one like that? It’s very debilitating.
If we know it’s wrong to talk this way to another human being, then we should realize that it’s wrong to talk to ourselves that way.
We are God’s handiwork, His masterpiece.
Have respect and love for His work—for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
See yourself the way He sees you.
And love yourself with His love and His perspective.
Ask Him for help in doing this.
We know that if we ask and pray according to His will that He hears and answers. (1 John 5:14).
We know that to learn to love ourselves is His will because Jesus said it is part of the greatest commandment of all.
So God will answer your prayer to help you love and see yourself with His love and through His eyes.
When we truly begin to love ourselves, we are ready to love others.
Our hearts and motives will be pure.
Envy and jealousy can’t reside in this environment.
We are content with who we are.
And now we are free to forgive and love and support others—free to share our gifts and talents to help others discover and share theirs!
This is blooming.
I also want to make a brief mention here about self-care. This is another way of loving yourself and is the only way we can bloom properly.
We must take time to care for our body, mind, and spirit. If we don’t have healthy bodies we can’t function well to do the caring for others! Taking care of your body includes proper rest, Sabbath days, eating right, exercise, doing activities that bring us joy, and quiet times with God.
If we don’t hang on the vine and allow God’s Spirit to fill and indwell us, we won’t grow spiritually and find His peace and an overflow to meet needs. We need a supernatural infusion to help us in this natural world with all its challenges. Set aside time daily to be with God.
And if we don’t stimulate our minds with creativity and knowledge, we won’t grow into our gifts and talents. We will be grumpy, bored, dry, and stagnant. PLAY with your gifts—follow after the things you love to do. Read, paint, cook, build, garden, create scrapbooks, sew…
So don’t feel selfish when scheduling time for yourself. Taking care of yourself is a part of the equation of equipping yourself to meet the needs of others and to do the things you are called to do!
Be kind and good to yourself because you are valuable—a treasure.
What could, and would, we do if we started believing that we really are a beautiful creation of God with a glorious purpose.
What kind of blooms would we begin to share with others…
How many lives would be rescued…starting with yours…
journaling… { keepin’ it real }
Sometimes I really don’t like myself. I know that’s wrong, but it’s the truth. Mainly because, as the Apostle Paul so famously said in the Book of Romans…
I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:16-25 New Living
And in The Message Bible:
What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. Romans 7: 15-25 The Message Bible (all underling and bolding emphasis mine)
God, I have to laugh at the part where he says “I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.”
Isn’t THAT the truth?! I can relate, Paul.
Paul says it all here and it can’t be expressed any more succinctly. Since going through trials, long-standing trials, trials I didn’t sign up for and don’t want anymore, I’ve found a sinful side of me that I’m none too fond of. One that loses her temper, wants to give up more often than not, and sets aside the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—aren’t those lovely and so desirable??) and instead gives in to the sinful nature. Not always, of course. But I’m not perfect, doggone it!
I sure do appreciate Paul and his honesty as one of the first believers to “keep it real.” To not act like he had it all together.
Think about it, Jane: The Apostle Paul struggled with his sinful nature!!
Thank God I can know that I’m not the only one who gets tripped up with doing things I really don’t want to do. These things are mostly attitudes—BAD attitudes.
And then I wallow in regret and self-hatred. MORE sins to pile on.
Paul doesn’t leave me without help for this, though. He has an answer! It is through Jesus, the power of Him who lives and works in and through us, that we CAN –I can!–overcome and be victorious over sin.
It doesn’t matter how many times I get tripped up, He loves me and will pick me up, brush me off, and set me back on the right path—-the path of right living and toward my eternal home and union with Him. He loves me every second of my life—through the good, bad, and ugly. And, I need to do the same. For my self and for others.
I’m with Paul when I say: Thanks be to God and His indescribable gift. Thank you, loving Father, for your mercy and grace that are forever and ever. For never giving up on me. For loving me all the way through—even when I am a flat-out unattractive and sinful human being…
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
The Missing Commandment: Love Yourself ~ Jerry and Denise Basel
How to Forgive Ourselves—Totally ~ R. T. Kendall
Deliver Me From Negative Self Talk: A Guide To Speaking Faith-Filled Words ~ Lynn R. Davis
The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery ~ David G. Benner
How To Succeed At Being Yourself ~ Joyce Meyer
LINK: Love Never Fails: Loving Others