Many of us (especially “us women”!) think our lives will turn out like the fairy tales we watched as children.
{ Cinderella comes to mind! }
But we soon find out, that isn’t real life. And, for the record, we don’t really see what happens to Cinderella after the big wedding. Just sayin’.
Throughout this website, you will find parts of my story—which really is a good one. It’s just that some things didn’t turn out the way I had planned and hoped. I know. I’m different that way!
But it wasn’t until I reached my 50s that I really started taking note of how I had not been living an entirely authentic life—that I had perhaps sacrificed too much of “me.” I had come to the edge of a midlife crisis. And I fell…
The fall came after being pushed over the edge due to two other very big crises that were entirely out of my control… { And aren’t the great majority of things in this life out of our control?}
So…the message of “Born to Bloom” was birthed because I had lost myself—my true self, the person God created me to be—at least in part. I wasn’t a complete sellout, but enough to cause me a boatload of emotional anguish.
Anguish that after many years began to manifest in a lot of unhealthy ways. Ways like anger, depression, frustration, hopelessness, and emptiness.
These negative emotions can come from the neglect of our true selves. A starving, of sorts, of our God-potential. A denial and ignoring of our longings to follow, and to delight in doing, God’s will for us—tapping into the gifts, calling, and talents within.
For a long time I didn’t truly recognize what was happening—the source of these negative emotions.
I didn’t know I had smothered my true self—smothered the authentic me by always trying to do the right things to make others happy and getting caught up in the culture of busy-ness and “achievements.”
Honestly, I don’t know if I ever came out of bud form. Sometimes I wonder if there were even buds. Visible ones. I think that they mostly remained buried in the ground in seed form. I allowed my buds and blooms to stay buried there because I didn’t feed and nurture them in any way.
And I suppose that is the crux of it. Nice people, especially Christians, allow it.
We think we are doing the right thing.
A sacrificial thing.
But we end up sacrificing precisely the wrong thing—which is our unique identity and purpose.
And God never asks us to sacrifice who He created us to be.
We let people, circumstances, and our culture create a false image of who we are and what we “should” be doing.
This is not pointing fingers or shifting blame. Or maybe we do that. Point fingers. But we shouldn’t.
We shouldn’t even point a finger at ourselves because I think we don’t even realize that we are doing it.
We just keep molding and conforming—molding ourselves or being molded by others, and conforming to this culture.
In the Bible we are told: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
We want peace.
We want to fit in.
We want to belong.
Actually, we are created and wired for all those things.
But we go about it all wrong.
And our efforts can keep us from blossoming, keep us from becoming our authentic selves, keep us from sharing and giving and loving the way we are designed to do.
So you see this isn’t a selfish quest at all. When we follow and fulfill our God-purposes, we will begin to share and give and love more than ever before!
Somewhere in the buried ground and layers of false selves is the real person God created us to be. A person filled with amazing gifts and talents and God-dreams and God-purpose.
We usually need someone to help us open our eyes to this!
It is a process to first of all recognize it, and then to break through the dirt we are buried in.
When I came to my crisis point, I started becoming very aware of the still small Voice of God speaking to me.
It was faint at first but it got louder as I learned how to tune in.
I was full of seeds of purpose and buds ready to bloom but I first had to SEE them and then to begin to start nourishing them (me) with words of affirmation and faith and encouragement.
This is when I began collecting photos and quotes and art pieces that supported me—the me that, at the beginning, was a bit invisible and very small and quiet—probably because I had ignored her far too long!
Here are some of the words and images and things that were speaking to me:
“The tall lady”—as my husband refers to her. I found her all alone on a clearance table at Hallmark. I think she called out to me! She goes with me to wherever I’m writing or creating.
And this is her little sister 😊—I adopted them into the same family:
Flowers (and flower buds) became a theme.
As did chrysalises and butterflies.
And little girls with big dreams.
And brave women—with lost big dreams that were being restored…
I stenciled this on a guest bedroom wall:
I’m not an artist in any way so even deciding to STENCIL something on a wall was a big deal for me!
The words I chose to stencil were an even bigger deal…
{ Even now tears well up as I think of how those words encouraged my shy true self… I hadn’t been told those things often enough.}
The words from the book “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett were also spoken over and over in my head:
“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
My shy, NEGLECTED, little girl inside needed to be reminded of these things often.
And I put this on the wall next to the bed (also a deep discount clearance item—just want you to know that God can lead us to deals on this journey—haha) :
Sometimes, when I was lying on that bed before falling asleep, I would just stare at those quotes.
{ I was watering the seeds of purpose in me. Letting some new things grow. There were changes going on inside me that were hidden. The hidden places of my heart. }
And then I began printing out photos and quotes from Facebook and Pinterest posts.
I bought cheap acrylic frames from Walmart and placed the photos/quotes in various places in my home. They were also helping me in the formation and release of my new buds and blooms—the authentic real me.
Things like this:
Something I want to say about all these quotes and original art. Think about how there was “a someone” who took the time to express their gift and to share it. And then there were “someones” like me who found healing and inspiration because they were courageous enough to share, even at the risk of feeling foolish or wondering if anyone saw or cared, or would buy anything they had created (if that was their hope). Something to think about.
I want you to know that I hardly knew what I was doing. This wasn’t “a plan” I had. Not at all. I began following whatever was moving me, helping me… to grow.
{ I was very fragile. }
I seemed to have an overwhelming interest in creativity—writing and the arts. And I was led to seeking God in time-blocks of silence whenever possible. These actions on my part were intuitive and out of necessity.
I think when we finally start listening, we begin to “just know” what we need to do. Just like the caterpillar who creates the chrysalis. Or a wounded animal who finds a safe and quiet place to heal.
The Holy Spirit within us leads us to what we need to do.
We just have to listen.
And then follow.
This is a glorious journey of discovery of finding who we were created to be in Christ Jesus.
God uses bits and pieces of words, images, ideas, concepts, and thoughts from many sources in our lives to bring about the transformation He is looking for and that we desperately want and need which is to become more sensitive to God’s Voice within…and to the voice of our authentic self nearly begging to be set free to express itself.
And that is when I did what Robert Frost wrote at the end of his poem “The Road Not Taken.” I chose the path less traveled, the path God led me on that was, and is, right for me!
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. ~Robert Frost
How can we know which path to take?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
Neither path is easy. But taking THIS path—God’s path—leads to His peace and purpose and a deep satisfaction. And that really does make all the difference