Let me tell you about the SECOND MOST HELPFUL AND LIFE-CHANGING BOOK I’ve ever read.
The first is obvious but I’ll say it anyway. The Bible.
The second one may be surprising. It’s called “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer.
How was this book life changing for me? Well, it saved all my relationships! Even the one with myself!
{ I’d say that’s a pretty helpful and life-changing book! }
I thank God that I found this book early in my marriage. Oh my gosh what an eye-opener it was!
I have given a bazillion of these away.
{ Yes. A bazillion! I kept track. }
I gave them away for the obvious reason that I wanted others to find the insight and help that I found.
So, yes. Other than the Bible, this book has been the most instrumentally helpful in my relationships!
As soon as I have a good idea of what a person’s God-given temperament is, then I know what to expect, and also how to relate well in the relationship.
AND I QUIT TRYING TO CHANGE EVERYONE TO THINK AND ACT LIKE ME !! (At least, I try.)
Sometimes that was not a conscious thing…
{ But I was doing it. }
Changing how people are hardwired is NOT going to happen because we are all created a certain way.
And in marriage, we are often opposites because we are attracted to what it is we need to make us “a whole.” We need each other’s strengths and we can fill in the weaknesses of our spouse–or whoever we are in a relationship with whether it be a friend, coworker, etc.
An important point to make here is that we all still need to make changes—to be ever aware of areas that need to be watched and kept stable, or to improve.
We can’t just say, “That’s just the way I am” when it comes to our weaknesses and areas that need change.
But I’m just talking about the basic way we see and live life!
The Littauer book has 4 temperament type categories: Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic, and Sanguine.
See if you can match the temperament types to the finger people. Oh boy! A game in the middle of a lesson! (And I’m not even the “party/have fun temperament type! But I do love games…)
In a nutshell, the temperament types are as follows:
{ But I really strongly recommend you get the book for more details. }
CHOLERICS: Strong personality. Extroverts.
Strengths: Leaders. Get things done. Not easily discouraged. Confident. Self-sufficient. Usually very good at a lot of things.
Weaknesses: Can be bossy, insensitive, don’t encourage and build-up.
MELANCHOLIES: Introverts.
Strengths: Deep and thoughtful “feelers.” Empathetic. Talented and creative. Compassionate. Musicians, writers, artists. Thinkers. PLANNERS!
Weaknesses: Can be too sensitive (feelings hurt), tendency toward depression, moody, low self-image, too introspective, critical, over planners.
PHLEGMATICS: Introverts.
Strengths: Loyal. Easy-going and relaxed. Happily reconciled to life. Good listener. Patient.
Weaknesses: Can be uninvolved. Lukewarm. Not exciting. Dampens enthusiasm. Resists change.
SANGUINES: Extroverts. (understatement: More like EXTREME extroverts!)
Strengths: Life of the party. Talkative story teller. Demonstrative. Optimistic. Colorful. Loves people, parties, and fun.
Weaknesses: Can sometimes be too superficial. Compulsive talker. Naive. Doesn’t want to talk about deep things. Can flit from one thing to another.
Florence Littauer (the author) has a very simple and short test to take that quickly determines which is your dominant temperament type. I found the test online for free here:
https://irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/2988a589/files/uploaded/personality-plus.pdf (This is a pdf version, meaning you will have to print it out to mark on the test, but you can also just jot down your answers and then evaluate.
Generally speaking, most people are dominate in a couple of the types–a major and a minor. But there are others (like me and my husband) who are over-the-top in one type.
My husband is a very strong Choleric and I am just as strong a Melancholy. We tested out the highest I have ever seen in our temperaments!
{ And, yes. Melancholy that I am, I have a file with family members and friends’ tests. }
This knowledge not only helped me immensely with my husband, but it also helped me in my relationship with my mother who I ADORE but, oh boy, did we clash a lot when I was growing up because she is an extroverted Sanguine and I am the introverted Melancholy.
{ She was always “embarrassing” me. }
Not that she really did embarrassing things (well, maybe sometimes! see…”You Can’t Change People: Me, Mike Huckabee, and Mom” ) but I wanted to be so low-key and private and she was “making friends” everywhere we went—and encouraging ME to make friends with these complete strangers as well!
{ It was hardest through my teen years, of course, when everything is “mortifyingly embarrassing” }
After taking the test and determining your temperament/personality type, you will have information that can help you get along with others, yes, but it will also help in making career choices and more.
Again, I recommend buying the book or checking it out from the library.
This certainly isn’t the only book on this subject. Far from it. But it’s the one I first discovered and although I’ve read several since, I still think this one is the best. It’s fun to read (the author is a Sanguine so it has to be fun!) and the information is comprehensive enough to prove very helpful and accurate.
And it isn’t too complicated.
But for those who want a more complex test, there is the Briggs’ Meyers’ test.
{ If you are a Melancholy, you will want to take ALL the tests! We like tests. }
The Briggs Meyer test is often used by employers to help place people in jobs most suited for them. Although I did take the test and found it interesting, the complexity of having 16 temperament-type results makes it more difficult to understand yourself and others QUICKLY! Knowing the 4 general temperament types has been more than enough for me to understand people.
But here is the free Briggs Meyer test for those who are interested: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
At the end of the test, you will be given 4 letters which best describe your personality. You can use this website to find your four letters and get a fuller description of your personality: https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/the-16-mbti-types.htm?bhcp=1&bhhash=1#ENFP
So this is one of the clues to understanding who God created you to be, and it will help lead you to your purpose.
Isn’t this fun?
It’s like a treasure hunt.
And the treasure is hidden in YOU!
And the treasure IS…YOU!!
Bloom, bloom, bloom.
{ You’re on your way to doing that! What will your blooms look like??? }
BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
Personality Plus ~ Florence Littauer
Strengths Based Marriage: Build a Stronger Relationship by Understanding Each Other’s Gifts ~ Jimmy Evans and Allan Kelsey (this book has mixed reviews on Amazon and it appears be because the test they refer to in the book and recommend costs $89 to take. I agree this is something to be upset about but there were other reviewers who said it was still a helpful book even without taking the test. I saw the teaching on Jimmy Evans’ TV program. It was very good. But I already know my (and my husband’s) personality type and gifts so I didn’t need the test. Anyway, it was covered well in the video teachings and I felt it was worth recommending the book.
To read a real life, fun example of how two of the temperament types interface in the world read this link (same link as in body of text above: You Can’t Change People: Me, Mike Huckabee, and My Mom).
Or just go straight to: Your Spiritual Gifts