Put down your clever, and pick up your ordinary. We keep ourselves out of our creative spirit by trying to be smart, to know, to be clever. We are at our most potent at our most ordinary, but we can’t see it. Because it’s our ordinary, we believe it’s everyone’s ordinary. It’s not. We compare ourselves with others and in that single action, we are lost to our own creative spark, the one that exists outside the world of measurements against others. What if, in fact, you are your most potent when you just come as you are. ~ Patti Digh and David Robinson, “Creative is a Verb”
I think I had a major breakthrough revelation.
It was hard earned.
Because of the fact that I am a writer and have journaled for years now, I can go back and read exactly what I was thinking at the various ages and stages of my life.
And it used to upset me terribly.
Until today!
The reason it would upset me was because I would see that my thinking had changed so little over the years. It would shock me that I had such nearly identical thoughts—and even life-desires and goals—at age 20, 30, 40, and 50+.
I would bemoan how I thought wasn’t changing at all.
{ I would notice this in others, too… }
But then it hit me.
Of course I’m not changing a lot!
God created me in a particular and specific way.
My thinking processes, the desires of my heart, and my “bent” (gifts, talents, abilities) will not ever radically change.
I will be refined for sure.
Bad habits, sins, and wrong pursuits will hopefully fall by the wayside or, at the least, be controlled or “killed” on a daily basis.
But after becoming a Christian, and over the years, what we are doing (or should be doing) is fine-tuning—fine-tuning our ability to hear and follow God more closely, learning how to accentuate our positive traits, develop our gifts & talents to be used for HIS plans and purposes and for His Glory, and submit our negative traits to Him to hopefully diminish their dominion over us. (But we will never ever get rid of them entirely.)
{ We will never be perfect. I know. Bummer, man. }
When I realized that I wasn’t due for an entire overhaul and that my life wasn’t a complete train wreck, it seems to have set me free to allow myself to be me—and to embrace who I am.
I need to love who He created me to be.
Seems pretty obvious but for whatever reason a lot of us are trying to be someone or something else!
{ Probably back to that unrealistic goal of being PERFECT and/or that unhealthy habit of comparing! }
Even if we aren’t saying it, or thinking it in that way—that we want to be perfect or someone else—we are often still trying, perhaps subconsciously.
If you asked me if I was trying to “be perfect,” I would have said no.
But I think my treatment of myself when I fail or show my weaknesses demonstrates the reality of what’s going on right under the surface.
{ We need to be honest with ourselves about this. }
We HATE making mistakes!
We hate falling back into bad habits.
We hate the sin.
We hate that we fall short in any area of our lives—as a spouse, employee, friend.
That we can’t stick to the exercise program, lifestyle-change diet, a regular devotional time.
That we get impatient, don’t pray as much as we would like, or simply don’t FEEL like forgiving someone who has wronged us (or someone we love.)
And we see these traits as “me”—an all-the-time “me”—and so then we can fall into “hating” ourselves! Or, at the least, just not liking or being very pleased with ourselves. Which can make us want to give up and quit.
We need to show a little grace to our imperfect selves…
And know that God loves us…just the way we are.
So it’s okay that I have a repetitive theme throughout all my years of journaling.
One of those themes is my passion for God and my desire to help others who are struggling. That’s a good thing!
Another theme is my bouts of depression concerning living this life. Not so good BUT I know this is part of the nature of my temperament type—something I can work on with God’s help but it probably won’t ever be eradicated. I feel deeply—both in the positive sense and the negative. I need to accept it.
There are simply some things that I will not be able to change and I need to quit wearing myself out trying to!
As long as I am housed in this body of flesh, I will have to deal with my imperfections and struggles.
But what I don’t want to do is be angry with myself OR angry with the Potter—the One who made me.
What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ Isaiah 45:9
And yet, O LORD, You are our Father. We are the clay, and You are the potter. We all are formed by Your hand. Isaiah 64:8
He made me the way I am for a reason and a purpose.
I submit to the Potter.
He knows what He’s doing…
And I need to ask Him to help me see myself the way He sees me—as His beloved child and creation with specific gifts and abilities He has given to us.
Made on purpose, for a purpose.
Who are we to challenge or despise or try to change who we are, how we are made, or the reason for our existence?
We must trust the One who knows it all—the omniscient, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-wise Father.
We will have a whole lot less turmoil and some newfound peace and joy!
journaling… (keepin’ it real)
Becoming Me–Am I Becoming ‘Me’ or Am I Already’ Me’ ? Hmmm. What if I never figure out how to be me? I actually let out a small laugh while I was writing that. How could I not be ME?! Well…I guess it’s true that we sometimes end up wearing so many masks in this life, play so many roles like an actor, that we can end up unsure if we’ve really achieved true me-ness. And I guess I’m not completely there yet or I would know it. So am I not completely me yet? :-/ My writing—my real-me writing—doesn’t seem all that good, Lord. Oh great. I just let out another snicker. What IS that? I guess it’s because when I put into words what I’m thinking it shows up to be as ludicrous as it really is! (And thus one of the many values of journaling! ) Anyway, my real-me writing is neither “good” nor “bad.” Just like “me,” it simple “is.” It is what it is. I am who I am. (And I think I might have just channeled Dr. Seuss!) Okay, I’m trying to be serious here. When we are freely giving expression to who we are, it can only be right, and we are then right-fully living when we are who we are and aren’t trying to be clever and good. I’m not sure if I’m being deep or overly simplistic! A philosopher or an airhead! I give up. I think I’ll just go with the great philosopher, Dr. Seuss:
Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
There you go. True wisdom. Deep and simplistic all at once.
Free Ginny Owens
Turnin’ molehills into mountains,
Makin’ big deals out of small ones,
Bearing gifts as if they’re burdens,
This is how it’s been.
Afraid of coming out of my shell,
Too many things I can’t do too well,
Afraid I’ll try real hard, and I’ll fail
This is how it’s been.
Till the day You pounded on my heart’s door,
And You shouted joyfully,
“You’re not a slave anymore!”
“You’re free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you’re free to sing-even joyful noise is music to Me
You’re free to love,
‘Cause I’ve given you My love
And it’s made you free
My mind finds hard to believe
That You became humanity and changed the course of history,
Because You loved me so.
And my heart cannot understand
Why You’d accept me as I am,
But You say You’ve always had a plan,
And that’s all I need to know.
So when I am consumed by what the world will say,
It’s Then You’re singing to me, as You remove my chains-
Free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile
LINK: Burying Your Talent